21 Day Experiment - No Complaining

First published on Apr 25, 2025

I like experiments: time-boxed, specific and purposeful. Over the years I've tried all kinds: setting and tracking monthly goals, fasting, reading 100 books in a year and a few more unsuitable for public announcement.

I was recently reading a post by David Cain that inspired me to pick up some self-experimentation once again. I had also, by sheer coincidence, stumbled across an article by Tim Ferriss sharing his experiences with a 21 Day No-Complaint Experiment. An idea began to take shape: a series of 21 Day Experiments, starting with the No-Complaint concept and continuing through to other areas of life that I'd like to work on or, at the bare minimum, shake things up a bit.

How it works

The mechanics of the experiment are straightforward:

1. You wear a purple wristband (though you can choose any type you want)
2. Whenever you catch yourself complaining, you must switch the wristband to your other wrist
3. The goal is to reach 21 consecutive days without complaining
4. If you complain, you switch wrists and reset the clock back to day zero
5. No exceptions, no excuses - you need to start over every time

Bowen, a pastor, argues that complaining (verbally expressing dissatisfaction without constructive intent) creates a cycle of negativity that affects mental health, relationships, and life satisfaction.

The 21-day timeframe is based on the idea that it takes about this long to form or break a habit, though modern research suggests habit formation often takes longer. Regardless, 21 days seems a significant target with obvious positive consequences.

Defining a Complaint

A complaint is a verbalised negative expression about a situation or problem without offering a constructive solution. For example:

• Complaint: "The train is so late; I'm going to be late for work."
• Not a complaint: "The train is late, so next time I'll leave earlier to ensure I'm on time."

There are a few additions that are also counted as 'complaints' and require a reset:

• Gossiping
• Criticising others in a non-constructive and action-oriented way
• Sarcasm/passive-aggressiveness

I am beginning at 7:30am on 25th April 2025. Wristband at the ready. Deep breaths inhaled. I plan on keeping rough notes, where possible, each time I break the rules with the intention of being able to try and correlate certain people, places or activities with excessive complaining. I will keep track and post updates below as the days, weeks, months and hopefully not years go by.

Updates

25th April

• 1030 - bemoaned a boring talk I'd sat through
• 1330 - swore at myself in frustration for eating a second chocolate muffin
• 1530 - internet at our new house is going to take an extra week to go live
• 1555 - swore at a bee

This is going to be quite a challenge.

2nd May - One Week In

I'm still on day one. It's hard. I've been religiously tracking every swap and there is positive improvement. The first couple of days I averaged over 10-12 complaints per day whereas yesterday and the day before averaged just 3.

I am slowly becoming significantly more aware of my words (and thoughts) and have stopped myself complaining by holding my tongue or rephrasing my opinion on several occasions.

I have been quite shocked at how many of the complaints are "in jest"; sarcasm and joky replies or comments that are focussing on the negative. It is a clear habit of mine and so far has been the hardest type of complaint to negate.

9th May - Two Weeks In

Day one again. Big improvements though. Got to day three and day two, much more aware of my words and actions. Driving and co-parenting are my big areas of weakness where the odd complaint will slip out. Working on it.